I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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