You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My life is pants optional.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
