I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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