I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
