If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
