Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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