Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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