A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
