Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
