normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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