3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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