Don't you send me to vm
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
