I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize