I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
