It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
