Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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