Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
