if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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