i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
foreskin is a definite game changer
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
