I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
