shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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