well I can't set my house on fire every night
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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