WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
