Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
