I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
