She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
my poor anus
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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