My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize