Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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