Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
