I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
