I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
