sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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