is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Enjoy the penises
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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