I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
