I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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