I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
