This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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