i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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