apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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