I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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