I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
