I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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