she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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