Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
