your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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