Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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