As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
