Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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