Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
