Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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