he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
