his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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