Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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