The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
