he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
