This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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