Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dignity is for republicans.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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