Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
