I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
