Don't make out with my wife yet
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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