so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm passing your future prison.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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