If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
