I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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