so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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