Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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