it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
