hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize