ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
