your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
