I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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