Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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