New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
