DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
