Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was confusing and full of hummus
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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