exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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